A Crisis of Mentorship
I’ve lost two mentors in as many weeks. I’m a little raw. Bear with me.
Reeling in my losses, I’m calling out an issue I’ve seen for years. There is a crisis of mentorship. Like, it’s hardly happening. I coach so many great leaders with so much to give. Conversely, I talk with so many up-and-coming leaders, who need so much. Where’s the disconnect? And what can you do about it?
I have three steps.
Step One: Recognize Your Need.
Mentors need mentees to carry on their legacy. Mentors have experience. They have a “been there and done that” street cred that is worthy of honor. This is valuable. It may seem like a “no duh”. The idea that experience matters. But this is completely taken for granted. Our culture generally doesn’t give value to wisdom earned through lived experiences. It should. You should. If you have experiences and wisdom, realize two things: 1. You didn’t get there on your own. 2. You need to share your wisdom with others. Don’t hoard your success. Be generous with your time. You need mentees to carry on what you’ve learned.
Mentees need mentors because they do not have the wisdom of lived experiences. This is tough because if you don’t know what you don’t know, then how would you know what you need? This takes humility. But it doesn’t take a high IQ to understand. If you haven’t lived the experience, you don’t really know what you’re doing. We’re all in constant need of mentors because there’s always some hill ahead of us we need to take that those others have taken before. Again, to be a mentee does not take intelligence. It takes humility.
Step Two: Assess Yourself.
Mentees: What do you need? Where are you struggling? Is it in your career? Health? Marriage? Where are your weak spots? Be honest with yourself. Where are you lost?
Mentors: What do you have to give? A great career? A great marriage? Or maybe lessons learned from the mistakes you’ve made? Take a tally of your assets. You’ve got more to give than you think.
“Experience is not the only teacher. But it’s the only school a fool will attend.” - unknown
Step Three: Make a Move.
Mentors: It'd be weird to approach someone and say, “Hey, I know stuff you don’t. You need me. I’m your mentor now.” Don’t do that! Think about the people who mentored you. Chances are they were more like Yoda and less like Darth Vader. Be available. Let people know you have the time for them. Remember, their humility is the bridge in this thing. You can’t force it.
Mentees: You can be more aggressive. You’re the one who’s in need. It’s a huge compliment to say to someone “ You’ve achieved something I want to achieve. Teach me how you did it.” Chances are, that person would be flattered and more than willing to help. When a less experienced person shows humility like this, it’s an irresistible quality that seasoned people admire.
Paying it Forward.
I lost two great people who kept me on the rails in my marriage and career for decades. I owe them a great debt. They will be missed. I was humble enough to invite them in. My only regret is that I wasn’t humble early or often. Even so, they had grace and wisdom for me. I bless them in the next life.
Tony Woodall
Founder
Rootstock